


Don’t Listen In Secret

by LW_Gomes



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, BooSeokGyuShua All Make Brief Appearences, Don’t Listen In Secret, Happy Ending, M/M, Song Inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 13:17:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14977970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LW_Gomes/pseuds/LW_Gomes
Summary: When Jihoon was 5 years old, he fell in love with a song, and his world was never silent again.Until ‘Seungcheol’, that is.





	Don’t Listen In Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Firstly, I’d like to thank you for clicking here. I hope you enjoy this fic and I’d really appreciate any feedback you can give me. Don’t feel shy to criticize and express your opinion, since that should help me improve. I haven’t written in a while so I’m a bit out of shape, actually.  
> Secondly, and thirdly, this fic was inspired by my interpretation of the song!soulmate au and also by the song “Don’t Listen in Secret” by Seventeen. It’s one of my absolute favorites from them, and I thought of this plot as soon as I read what it meant. I recommend you listen to it or read the lyrics if interested, but I hope I was able to convey the feelings regardless. I’d also like to mention that this is in no way related to canon and that this fic might not be completely connected to every part of the song, since it is my interpretation of it. I tried to cover any plot holes as well, but feel free to ask if you have any doubts about the plot or are curious about anything.  
> Lastly, English is not my first language so I’d ask for your forgiveness for any mistakes. Even if I look it all over after writing, sometimes things slip from notice. Feel free to correct me in the comments!  
> Thank you for the attention and have a nice time reading! Hope you enjoy it~!

When Jihoon was 5 years old, his world was immersed into noise for the first time.

He was grabbing the sides of his mother’s skirt as they waited on the doorstep of his grandparent’s house, the place they’d stay the night in for their impromptu trip to Daegu. He didn’t understand why he had to travel at the time. Didn’t understand why his mother had been crying since she received that phone call, barely explaining him anything, and why his father was nowhere to be seen. It wouldn’t be until a long time later that he’d fully realize what was truly happening.

His grandfather opened the door with tired eyes and waved them in, as his grandmother gathered him in her arms and kept whispering “You’ll be alright, he’s in a better place now”. It took a while for him to perceive that this meant that the ‘someone’ was probably his father. At his age, the pain and burden of death was not as big as it’d be in a couple of years, but Jihoon had always felt empathy and emotions that ran deeper than most his age. He was a quiet kid, all about gestures rather than words. So, as the tears from his family fell on his hair, and his father’s lingering space grew more alarming, he let himself cry too.

He cried himself to sleep that night, after the notion that he’d never see his father again finally settled in his mind. The world seemed extremely hollow without his shadow beside him, the silence making his thoughts and fears all the more scary. When he woke up the next day, the only sound to be heard was that of his own breathing. No pots clanking coming from the kitchen, no signal of his parents’ laughter in the living room. Reality came crashing down and, suddenly, he was missing all of it. Looking out of the window, avoiding going out of the room for as long as possible, his eyes locked with those of a boy in the playground in front of the house. He smiled a bright gummy smile before grabbing a stray soccer ball and going back to his friends, and Jihoon felt somehow better, like all the voices that kept haunting him were gone and replaced by a pleasant background sound.

It would be only three days later, after the funeral and when he was back at the comfort of his own room, that he’d notice that the sound was actually a melody that kept playing over and over again in his head. When he asked his mother about it, she gave him a teary eyed smile and simply said she was glad his soulmate had been able to comfort him at a time like this, even if they hadn’t actually met. She promised they’d look for him together when they went back to Daegu, to help with his grandparent’s move to Seoul as they wished to stay close to the remaining family. Innocently, Jihoon thought of the boy on the street and smiled thinking they might be friends. He thought “thank you for chasing away the bad thoughts” and hoped he could listen him above the song floating in his head. He bit his toast and hummed along, missing his mom’s nostalgic gaze, keeping at it for the rest of the day and into the week.

When Jihoon was 5 years old, he fell in love with a song, and his world was never silent again.

* * *

Actually, that’s a lie.

The thing about soulmates, Jihoon discovered as he grew up, is that there is really no way of locating them unless you, well, actually find them. Of course, from the moment you look at them you may hear a melody, _your_ melody, but if you are one of the unlucky ones that lost your chance of introduction the first time around, there is really no way of telling. No way, that is, unless you bump into someone while they sing your tune, or introduce yourself to someone and stop hearing your song. Since meeting the gummy smiled boy when he was a child, Jihoon had went back to Daegu at almost every chance he got, right from the moment his mother’s work released her. With his grandparents’ ties to the city having been lost when they moved closer to them, however, finding him proved to be harder a task than anyone his age should have to withstand. Besides his memories, there was nothing left of the other kid.

He remembers standing in the same place they met year after year without knowing what to do, thinking about how unlikely it was that they somehow kept missing one another. Remembers doubting himself, doubting the situation, and feeling offended, as a child, that the other would reject his friendship. As he grew older, Jihoon started to understand that the world isn’t nearly that simple. That maybe the other did not have as many opportunities to seek him as he did. That maybe… He’d never find him.

  
His mother tells him not to lose hope, but Jihoon finds that having low expectations is usually a good thing. His melody fades more and more each day, almost like the ending of a song playing on the radio, and he realizes that’s just what it is. The end. He acts nonchalant but it’s frustrating.

Sometimes, he really feels like crying. He is not the most emotional, the only time he remembers crying after his father’s death was when he won a competition with his first self-composed song, but stress makes him prone to tears. He feels like it’s unfair. It seems like he is the only one putting any effort, like the other probably doesn’t even care about finding him, like they are never going to find each other because _his soulmate is an idiot that doesn’t-_. He always stops himself before it gets too much, because he knows he isn’t being fair. He knows it probably isn’t the other boy’s fault, but he just wants him back. He wants the other to focus on their song and find him, because he is frankly scared at this point.

People say that forgiving and understanding is easy if only you try, but it really isn’t. He tries, he really does try, to imagine all the millions of reasons why fate made it so hard for him to find happiness. He thinks that maybe all this soulmate talk is overrated, that one day he will forget all of this even happened and live his life peacefully with no regrets. That maybe he will find love elsewhere, like he found in music, and that that will be enough to fill the hole in his chest. Jihoon knows he’s only deluding himself, tough.

  
Regardless, occasionally, he really wishes he could just tell his soulmate to be open about it. Wherever he might be, and he really hopes he didn’t move out of Korea because that would prove to be a problem, for him to mumble his song into subways and hum its rhythm along the streets. For him not to give up even after their melody becomes inaudible, because Jihoon does not think he could handle it.

Honestly, music is what keeps him alive.

He fell in love with music because of his soulmate. When he thinks such harsh thoughts, one might think he had nothing positive to say about them, but truth is that Jihoon is already in love with him. He fell for the way he sounds so enchanting and ethereal and calming and passionate, complexity wrapped up in rough strings and soft beats. After depicting him so vividly, listening to songs was never the same to him. He wanted to recreate that beauty. To be inspired by the way the memory of his smile sounded like an acoustic guitar – known, pleasing, happy – and by what he imagined his tears would sound like – melancholic violin over bittersweet piano keys.

So, he keeps waiting tirelessly. One day, he swears to himself, I’ll find him and sing those to him.

* * *

Going into the coffee shop for the first time, the feeling Jihoon had was one of comfort. The smell of baked pastries and the dimmed lights were inspirational, quiet music making it a place where you could close your eyes against the cushions and enjoy the stillness. He sat on the very back, close enough to smell – roasted coffee beans and cinnamon – but far enough that the sounds of machinery were lost in the air. The door opens again, just as a server comes close to him, and the bell brings him out of his stupor.

\- Good morning. What can I bring you? – The man’s voice is calm and low, his chestnut hair brushing against the wire frames of his glasses.

\- Good morning… A cappuccino, I guess. Thank you. – Jihoon’s own voice is a little lost, and it’s only after the man nods and takes his leave that he realizes he isn’t really in the mood for a cappuccino.

Well, it would have to do.

He opens his laptop and plugs in his earphones, feeling thankful for how the discrete sounds of the surroundings don’t disturb his concentration. He has just opened the mixing program when the same waiter comes back, a ceramic mug with smoke spilling from it in his hands. One sip has Jihoon changing his idea about the drink, _maybe I am in the mood for cappuccino after all_ , and he is soon so focused on the computer in front of him that he doesn’t really notice the shadow hovering behind him.

\- Are you a producer?

He startles, mug clanking on the dish but thankfully not breaking. He reaches for some napkins to dry the bits that fell on the table, even as the waiter, apologizing, reaches ahead of him with a small dishrag. It takes Jihoon some seconds to realize the question was really directed at him.

\- Oh! Yeah, somewhat. I-I’m not… I’m not exactly famous or anything. – He laughs quietly, a bit shy but also confused by the sudden interest. He pauses, hoping he looks and sounds less awkward than he really is feeling, before elaborating. – I started it mostly for my own pleasure, but I do love it. And I recently signed in a company, so… Yeah. Why do you ask?

\- I-I’m sorry. Sorry, this must seem random. – The man says with an awkward smile, but the rest of his features remain in the same calm from before. – We actually allow people to showcase their own music in here occasionally, so I thought I’d tell you since you seemed to be doing that. I’m sorry for intruding, sir.

\- No! Not at all. This seems very nice, to be honest. I, well, I have never really showed my music besides on competitions. Do you think… - He stops and takes a look around, noticing that there doesn’t seem to be a rush. – Do you think you could elaborate on that please? I… I might be interested, if you don’t mind. I’m Jihoon, by the way.

\- Of course. – The man grins, slipping away with a “one second, please” and whispering a couple words with a tall barista that looked a bit like a puppy, while indicating Jihoon with a wave of a hand. The other man flashed him a smile, before softly pushing his shoulders and sending him back in the table’s direction. – I am Wonwoo, nice to meet you.  
  
For all that Jihoon felt that their talk would be awkward, he and Wonwoo seemed to click oddly well. The older had a calming appearance and way of speaking that put him at ease, making it easy for him to open up and ask the questions he really wanted to ask. In the end, there was nothing too difficult about the café’s proposal, not even a lot of bureaucracy to get it going. He felt relieved. Honestly, the homey ambience of the place satisfied his desire of displaying some of his music that he still wasn’t ready to show to the world as a whole, so he was glad this opportunity came around. Maybe, he joked to himself, maybe someone will even listen and look for him. He tapped an unconscious rhythm on the table as he watched Wonwoo get up and leave him with a small smile.

Gulping down the last of his drink, he gathers his stuff from the table figuring he could just as well finish all of it at home. He is rather excited now, and working with all his supplies should give him a head start on what he already feels blooming in his head. He walks in a fast pace, face down as he struggles with getting his coat out of the bag. His shoulder brushes slightly on a man’s trench coat as they squeeze in through the door at the same time, one in either direction. The man’s apology is muffled by his face mask, and Jihoon is honestly in such a rush that he can barely bring himself to look at him, let alone answer. He nods his head once in acknowledgement, before walking away quickly, his bag’s strap getting tangled in his coat as he puts it on. For a second, he can almost hear his song again louder than ever, but it quiets down to a low hum, along with the chattering of people, as the door closes behind him.

‘An illusion’, he thinks, even as he looks back hopefully.

It’s always an illusion.

* * *

The threat of silence that looms over him is suffocating.

If Jihoon is gonna be honest, he actually has a lot of fears. He doesn’t have many great ones, mind you, just the abstract notion of fearing pain, or death, or loneliness and things of the sort. Still, it’s enough that he’s not a stranger to the idea. Enough that feeling afraid does not freeze him at the most disagreeable moments. Be that as it is, there is no other explanation to what he is feeling right now.

He is terrified.

He’s never felt like this, and he’s been through a lot. It’s so new that it scares it even more, and he’s feeling himself fall down a spiral he does not know if he’ll have the strength to get out of. Of course, there is more, much more to life, than his soulmate, but he has so much to thank him for that he fears not finding will doom him to feel guilty for the rest of his life. All his dreams and hopes came from him, in one way or another. His career came from him too. Although he always felt dedicating your life to your soulmate is a waste of it, he realizes he did the same even if indirectly, and it was the best life he could have.

He loves him so much. It’s weird, loving someone you don’t know. He gets confused sometimes, wether he loves him or the idea of him, but the fading notes in his mind make it easy for him to know. He needs to find him, but he won’t, because his time is almost over and, with it, he’ll lose the love of his life forever.

Which brings him to this stand point.

With every day, his song fades more and more. Conflicted between drowning it in other sounds at once and locking himself in silence to listen to its last moments, Jihoon feels like he is being pulled in too many directions at once. At the same time, he feels tired and weary. Feels as if he has way more years than he already had and as if all his will is gone. He has no energy to pursue anything anymore, and even the second biggest love he has is disappointing him as he gets stuck in song after song, but he pushes through like a dying man pulls himself back to life, because he can’t give up easily like this.

He may lose his song. He may lose his will and everything else.

But he refuses to let himself lose his soulmate.

* * *

It’s a cold night when the glass doors tremble with the arrival of someone new. The person, a man, is buried in dark clothes, a huge grey scarf hiding most of their face. Besides the cold, he brings in certain tenseness in the air that makes Jihoon nervous, and he suddenly knows that there is something different about this situation, although he doesn’t necessarily know if that’s a good or bad thing.

He walks up to the counter, relaying his order in a muffled mumble that sounds familiar, somewhat. Tight grip on his phone, hip resting against the furniture as he waits, the man looks a bit like a mysterious sculpture, and Jihoon reaches for his notebook before he realizes. He scribbles in a fast pace, eyes fixed on the body in front of him, and he later realizes as he looks down that half the words are unreadable, jumbled up and twisted. It’s still okay, he thinks, because the feeling is there.

He snaps the pages shut, getting up and slipping the notebook inside his bag, deciding to go home before he lost inspiration. Regardless of what it could seem from his songs, finding inspiration was not that easy even if you looked into the details around you, and Jihoon was not about to throw the opportunity away. He drank the last gulps of his tea in one shot, sneaked in a last glance at the man, and slipped through the doors of the café, jittery with excitement.

Seems like it was a good thing after all.

* * *

Writing the song flows like water through a river. He’d never had so much ease at composing and it actually makes him insecure, wonder if he isn’t oversimplifying things just because of a good feeling, if maybe he’ll look it over later and just throw it all away. It doesn’t change the fact that it feels simple, but it’s good. He knows it doesn’t have to be complex to be beautiful. Listening to it, it sounds comfortable, which is weird for such a sad song. Be that as it is, the piano and soft guitar intermingle in such a smooth way that he doubts he could ever create such a pretty sound.

The smile of his soulmate stays in the back of his smile, but the outline of the random man from the coffee shop is what makes it so easy for him to grasp onto the sadness and desire of having someone of his own. He pushes all those feelings into words like a madman, and in the end, almost tears up as he reads the papers and wishes he’ll find someone to love him.

When he asks some acquaintances in his company to record the song with him, they agree with no big fuss. He isn’t really close to them, not yet at least, but they are the closes group to him and undeniably talented. When he wrote the song, he didn’t really think about how to sing it, but as he finished it he realized that their voices fit as well as possible. He was thankful. There was a buzzing under his skin telling him that he needed to finish it as soon as he could, and he wasn’t about to challenge it. As they listened to the demo version and complimented him, he felt the heaviness of Jeonghan’s gaze on him. The recording went smoothly in between Seokmin and Seungkwan’s silly jokes and Jisoo’s calming presence, but Jihoon couldn’t get himself to calm down. They all asked about his inspiration, asked if he was talking about his soulmate, and although he couldn’t deny it, he also never brought himself around talking about the unknown man that made it so easy for him to begin writing the lyrics in the first place. He felt afraid of being judged for tarnishing a pure love with a random stranger, but it felt so fitting that he couldn’t bring himself to regret, regardless of the small sliver of guilt that showed up on his mind.

The whole group left with encouragements, saying they were thankful he’d honor them by letting them participate in something so private and special. All of them except for Jeonghan, that is. They had become close during his time in the company, and he probably knew him better than any other. So, as the others went away and he hung back, fixing Jihoon with a strong gaze, the smaller man knew he noticed more than he let on.

\- You do realize this is _your_ song, right?

It comes like a train, the realization. So this is why it was so easy to put his feelings into notes, why it didn’t take him more than a few seconds to string together such a beautiful melody. This was his soulmate, in every way he knew him. It’s all suddenly so obvious and makes so much sense that he feels a bit ridiculous. Jeonghan’s chuckle makes it clear that the other saw how new this revelation was to him, and his comforting hand on his shoulder is expected and welcome.

\- If it is worth anything, I think what you did with it is beautiful. When you first hummed it to me, I imagined it as a wonderful song already, but this exceeds any expectations. Your soulmate would be proud of you, for doing it justice. – He sits besides him and smiles gently. – And, well, you never know, maybe he’ll even listen to it and find you, huh?

* * *

He’d been sitting on the back of the coffee shop for over one hour when he hears it. The song he gave Wonwoo on a scratched pen-drive plays inconspicuously on the background of the noises around him. He takes a deep breath, because this is what he’d been waiting to hear, but he’s honestly so nervous that the thought of not having a way out anymore makes it hard for him to breathe. As his eyes dart around the costumers anxiously, he slowly calms down whenever someone stops on their way or words to pay attention to the voices playing on the speakers. He can’t restrain the smile that slips on his lips.

The cappuccino mug – ‘ _your usual, Jihoon?_ ’, he hears Wonwoo ask every time he goes there – warms his still shivering fingers as he raises it to his lips. He’s mid-sip when the door opens and it’s like a record scratches and starts again, it’s like someone bumped on the stereo system and knocked the volume up way too many notches. He splutters, putting the mug down with too much force as he focuses again.

That’s when he recognizes him. Honestly, it’s very ironic, a beautiful and odd coincidence. If this is really happening, if Jihoon is right and this is him, then the fact that his soulmate unknowingly inspired a song to himself is nothing short of incredible. But there’s no mistake. This is him, the same man that made him feel so jittery the last time they met. This is him, the man that, he now realizes, he met so many times in his life without really meeting at all.

He’s scared. More than ever. What if he’s wrong? What if he’s fooling himself again and this is actually nothing, merely another illusion his heart created to keep his sanity?

He doesn’t think so, however, because beyond his beautiful features, the man looks shocked. He looks up at the radio in disbelief, eyes widening and lips trembling as he stops halfway to the counter and _freezes_. He doesn’t think so, because he figured there had to be a reason why he fit so well to the melody on his head. There had to be a reason why Jihoon even felt like it was right to fit them both together. There had to be a reason why Jihoon felt as if he would love this person regardless of them being meant to be or not.

The man startles and blinks as someone rushes past him, as if waking up from a dream. He looks around with desperate excited eyes, but there’s a nervous resignation hidden in the bags under them and the lines of his face. He walks briskly to the counter and, as he starts on with formalities, Jihoon realizes he can’t let this chance go. Rising from his seat, the latter strides with purpose. He feels awkward, really, as if every single eye around him is fixed on them. Maybe they are. He wouldn’t know, as his own stare at the back in front of him.

\- … This song, please. I mean, I know you aren’t really allowed to tell anyone and… I know you are usually confidential but there are people who let you divulge and… I just… I need to know who-.

Jihoon smirks a little at the notes of desperation in the man’s voice. He looks at Wonwoo over the other’s shoulder, seeing his confused but amusedly fond gaze at the man, as if he understands it all already. He raises an eyebrow at him and, as Jihoon nods, puts a hand on the man’s forearm as if to stop his words. He succeeds.

\- You’re in luck, then, it seems. He’s right behind you. – He murmurs, giving out an encouraging look before turning around and going back to making his drinks. – Do tell me later if you want to order anything.

When the other man looks back, Jihoon’s eyes lock into fluffy brown hair before slipping through soft features, finally meeting brown eyes shining in the dim lights of the coffee shop. The sudden rise in the song is disorienting, and his mouth falls open on its own as he realizes he’s been holding his breath the whole time. The taller’s eyes look confused, kind of lost but so,  _so_ hopeful, that he immediately regrets having ever doubted him. He starts a trembling smile, fingers twitching in want to reach out, just as the man chokes out his name “ _H-Hi, I’m Seungcheol, I think you are-_ ” and Jihoon can’t help but cut him off.

\- Hi, Soulmate. – He says softly, reverently, but more confidently than one would expect from a man in his position. Granted, he’d been rehearsing this moment for a long time. Hoping for this moment for even longer. He takes a breath as if to drink in a courage he doesn’t have, because this is it. This is the one thing he has been seeking his whole life. – My name is Jihoon.

The music disappears and, for the first time, the silence is comforting.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Me again, haha.  
> I just thought it’d be good to explain how the soulmate system really works in this fic. It is basically a reinterpretation of the soulmate universe where soulmates hear the same song or melody, and that’s the link they have to one another. In here, you start listening to the song the moment you lock eyes with your soulmate, and you stop hearing it during your first true interaction (when both of you speak to one another, introduce yourselves, or such). It can be interpreted as your soulmate bond being recognized when you trade the melody for the sound of their voices. If you, for some reason, don’t talk immediately to one another, the song gets fainter and fainter until it disappears, and you ultimately lose the guarantee to find them since the look-song combo only works once. If you are close to your soulmate, your song can increase in volume, but when you part it will be back to as low as it was before, and you don’t really get more time than before.  
> I hope that makes sense, sorry if it’s all too confusing.  
> Ps.: Don’t know if you all realized, but in the summary I wrote ‘Seungcheol’ this way to indicate that it wasn’t really meeting him (since that happened when they were kids), but the word “Seungcheol” that made the difference and settled the bond. In other words, it was Seungcheol’s initiative to introduce himself that made it possible for their bond to settle and for them to recognize one another as soulmates.


End file.
